Welcome Letter

To all the people who do not feel like themselves,

It is so easy to want a life where you know who you are without a single doubt in your mind. Every decision, every word, every move you make has zero hesitations. A glance in the mirror makes you stand up taller, even prouder to recognize the image glaring back at you as your own. That is so easy to want, and for some it is just as easy to obtain.

It is just as easy to feel the opposite of each of those emotions and actions. To regret or question every feeling, action, and statement that leaves your lips. To crumble in fear of the consequences that may follow. To consider every single other person’s opinions on what you have to say or feel as if they matter more than the opinion of the one who looks back at you in the mirror.

Why do we feel like this sometimes? Why is it that sometimes the person we feel the least sure of or close to is the person we truly are. Are we living in a time where it is simply scary to be alone with ourselves?

From my earliest age I was the most headstrong, independent person I knew. I said everything that came to mind without any hesitation or thought as to how it may affect the ones around me. And it felt good. I loved being alone with myself as much, if not more, than I loved the company of others.

In the past few months of my 20 year old life, I have found myself completely unrecognizable to the woman I just described. I have found myself caring more about the opinions of others and allowing the possibilities of disappointment and rejection dictate the words and feelings I express. I have found myself allowing the littlest arguments or setbacks to completely rock my world to the point of not being able to function for the rest of the day. As I began to wonder how I got here, how did I become so far from who I once was, I realized:

I avoid being alone.

For some reason, in this season of my life I have slowly turned into a person who completely depends on the satisfaction of others to satisfy myself. At first, this doesn’t feel like a problem but after time it slowly becomes a major issue that leads to feeling empty, depressed, and anxious. That is because seeking satisfaction through the actions and emotions of others is only a temporary fix. It is similar to the way that likes, comments, and followers on social media is only a faux form of validation that fills you for a temporary period of time, before you find yourself feeling truly empty. At the end of the day, are we the only thing that can truly fill our own voids?

Any form of validation from others is fleeting. What sticks?

I am beginning this blog as a way to document my growth and journey to becoming the person I used to be, but even stronger. It is my hope that through my writing I will be teaching myself how to grow  meaningful and positive relationship with the most important person to have a relationship with; myself. I hope that through this process I will also be helpful to anyone who is experiencing the same emotions as I have, and that they can use this as an opportunity to learn how to overcome this season in their own life and develop a positive relationship with that reflection in the mirror.

To everyone feeling like they are not themself, or who they want to be, you are not alone. You are not the first person to feel this way. And the good news is that you do not have to feel this way forever. Hard times and seasons of life are tough to go through, but going through something means that there is eventually an outcome on the other side.

Cheers to you and your journey,

Britton